“I can’t stop this feeling, deep inside of me…”
I wish it was like that, you know, that kind of insatiable, gnawing, fizzy, tumbling, lovey feeling. That feeling that builds up in your stomach and makes trumpets play in your head. But I have a feeling, and although similar to butterflies of infatuation, there is no object of my desires.
This oddness is leaving me restless and unfocused. I am making silly mistakes and stumbling, mumbling my words. I am on my way to that love-sickness. But it scares me, makes me nervous. If there is no-one for me to focus my energy on or to daydream about the feelings won’t play out; I will not have refuge, the chance to hide away from a pretty face and get some rest.
It is unnerving me.
The spring is finally bringing about sunshine and warmth, and strangely, I didn’t feel the sad nostalgia I associate with the perfect weather. I haven’t yet felt like I’m wasting my days or reflected on how I am waiting for life to start. It was looking to be a good intro to summer… and now this has happened. We’ll see how I get on.